Introduction
- We are living in a culture where children are exposed to un-Islamic behaviors and beliefs in school, books, television, and the Internet — specifically related to sexuality and gender identity.
- Parents need to have conversations with children early and frequently as they grow in their own awareness and understanding.
- Be proactive in our approach, not reactive.
- It is important to educate ourselves with information and be aware of the facts and data, in order to be thoughtful and considerate in discussions.
- Educating ourselves on the relevant terminology, phrases, and beliefs related to gender and sexuality is necessary to have proactive discussions — it is also essential to understand the appropriate Islamic perspective in response to these topics.
- Islamic teachings on the topics of gender and sexuality are very specific and clear as to what is permitted. Resources include the Holy Qur'an, hadith, Jama'at literature, sermons of the Khalifatul Masih, and MTA programs.
Purpose of This Guide
- Instilling Islamic values starts from birth; exposure to these topics can begin at a very early age as these topics are present in children's books, songs, and cartoons.
- This guide includes definitions, references, and Islamic principles related to sexuality and gender.
- The language around sexuality and gender identity is constantly changing — this guide is intended to be a starting point on what these terms mean, and in what context they are often used.
Understanding the Terminology
Gay
SexualityA term to describe individuals who are primarily sexually attracted to others of the same sex and/or gender.
Commonly used for men attracted to men but can apply to women. The term lesbian is specific to women attracted to women. Individuals attracted to the opposite sex are heterosexual, or straight.
Bisexual
SexualityAn individual who is attracted to more than one gender — not necessarily at the same time or in the same way.
Asexual (or "ace") — a complete or partial lack of sexual attraction; considered a spectrum. Pansexual — attraction toward people of all genders regardless of sex or gender identity.
Gender
GenderSocially constructed roles, behaviors, and attributes associated with different sex traits — what it means to be a man or woman in a given society.
Gender binary — belief that there are only two genders (male/female). Non-binary — an individual who does not identify as either a man or a woman.
Gender Dysphoria
GenderClinically significant psychological distress caused when an individual's assigned birth gender differs from the one with which they identify.
Per the DSM, most commonly begins in childhood but can occur after puberty or in adulthood. "Gender conversion therapy" is considered medically unethical.
Gender Expression
GenderThe external appearance of an individual's gender identity, conveyed through behavior, clothing, and other external characteristics.
Gender non-conforming — expression that differs from traditional expectations. Gender normative — expression that aligns with societal expectations.
Gender Identity
GenderAn individual's internal sense of their gender, which may be the same or different from the sex assigned at birth. Distinct from sexual orientation.
Gender spectrum — the idea that gender identity encompasses many possibilities. Gender-fluid — a gender identity that may shift over time.
Gender Theory
AcademicThe study of what is understood as masculine and/or feminine behavior in any given context — including literature, history, sociology, education, religion, and medicine.
Gender studies — academic field devoted to analyzing gender identity, originating in women's studies. Feminism — movements aiming to establish equality among all genders.
Transgender
GenderAn umbrella term for individuals whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned at birth.
Transitioning — a process that may include social, legal, or medical steps (hormonal treatment or surgical procedures). Not all transgender individuals will transition. Detransitioning — reversing or stopping prior medical/surgical interventions.
What Does Islam Say?
Conversations about sexuality and gender identity should always be age-appropriate and ongoing, beginning with a fundamental grounding in Islamic society — how and why a family is formed, how all people are created from a male and female, and that there is underlying wisdom in nature and that God has willed the miracle of procreation.
In order to have conversations related to sexual morality, parents should establish an understanding of where morality comes from and that God is the ultimate source of morality. These conversations will also normalize topics related to sex and sexuality so they are not seen as shameful or embarrassing. Discussing topics such as consent can lay a foundation for lifelong critical decision-making and healthy relationships.
The Islamic moral system has very specific guidelines related to sexual morality because this behavior is tied to a key component of human institution — the family. The Holy Qur'an reinforces the understanding of male and female as complementary pairs:
"And that He creates the pairs, male and female…"
"O ye people! fear your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and created therefrom its mate, and from them twain spread many men and women…"
"And one of His Signs is this, that He has created wives for you from among yourselves that you may find peace of mind in them, and He has put love and tenderness between you. In that surely are Signs for a people who reflect."
Those who are intersex are born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that is atypical — meaning their anatomy, chromosomes, and reproductive organs do not align. Islam recognizes that such individuals exist and that each person's situation should be addressed with compassion and understanding, in light of their specific circumstances.
Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (aba) clarified this motto in his Friday Sermon of May 9th, 2014:
No. Desires are different from actions. A Muslim who experiences homosexual desires or attraction but does not act on them should seek the help and guidance of Allah. In Islam, an individual is only responsible for what they have control over — you are responsible for your actions, not your thoughts or feelings alone.
These conversations with children should always be rooted in compassion, and should not distract from the ideal of young people building a life grounded in Islamic values, including the goal of marriage and family as defined by Islamic principles.